No. 0. Quote: 
Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
 
No. 1. Quote: 
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
 
No. 2. Quote: 
Q:	Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A:	The cats keep trying to bury them.
 
No. 3. Quote: 
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
 
No. 4. Quote: 
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles.  Therefore ... in the Old
Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred
thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the
Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long.  ... There is
something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesome returns of
conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 5. Quote: 
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
 
No. 6. Quote: 
Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things
than someone who hasn't.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 7. Quote: 
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but
the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they
have obtained from books of travel.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 8. Quote: 
Don't get to bragging.
 
No. 9. Quote: 
Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
 
No. 10. Quote: 
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must
have somebody to divide it with.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 11. Quote: 
You are fairminded, just and loving.
 
No. 12. Quote: 
You are magnetic in your bearing.
 
No. 13. Quote: 
Its name is Public Opinion.  It is held in reverence.  It settles everything.
Some think it is the voice of God.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 14. Quote: 
Q:	What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
A:	Zorn's Lemon.
 
No. 15. Quote: 
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not
original and the part that is original is not good.
		-- Samuel Johnson
 
No. 16. Quote: 
You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
 
No. 17. Quote: 
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
 
No. 18. Quote: 
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
 
No. 19. Quote: 
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
 
No. 20. Quote: 
You will inherit millions of dollars.
 
No. 21. Quote: 
It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
		-- Churchy La Femme
 
No. 22. Quote: 
You may my glories and my state dispose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
 
No. 23. Quote: 
Blow it out your ear.
 
No. 24. Quote: 
Q:	What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A:	Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
	are removable!

Q:	An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
	very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A:	Yes, up to isomorphism!

Q:	What is a compact city?
A:	It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
	policemen!
		-- Peter Lax