No. 0. Quote: 
You are standing on my toes.
 
No. 1. Quote: 
Q:	How do you play religious roulette?
A:	You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets
	struck by lightning first.
 
No. 2. Quote: 
It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best
judge of one.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
 
No. 3. Quote: 
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
 
No. 4. Quote: 
A classic is something that everyone wants to have read
and nobody wants to read.
		-- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
 
No. 5. Quote: 
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
 
No. 6. Quote: 
Be different: conform.
 
No. 7. Quote: 
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
 
No. 8. Quote: 
You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night
to write.
		-- Saul Bellow
 
No. 9. Quote: 
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
 
No. 10. Quote: 
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
 
No. 11. Quote: 
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
 
No. 12. Quote: 
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
 
No. 13. Quote: 
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
 
No. 14. Quote: 
Q:	What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C
	is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A:	A deep C diva.
 
No. 15. Quote: 
The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
		-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II"
 
No. 16. Quote: 
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
 
No. 17. Quote: 
Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
 
No. 18. Quote: 
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
 
No. 19. Quote: 
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
 
No. 20. Quote: 
Is that really YOU that is reading this?
 
No. 21. Quote: 
Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.
 
No. 22. Quote: 
We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the
bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster.  It seems
almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the
oyster.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
 
No. 23. Quote: 
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
 
No. 24. Quote: 
Do not overtax your powers.