No. 0. Quote: 
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
 
No. 1. Quote: 
Talkers are no good doers.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
 
No. 2. Quote: 
A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The
Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.
		-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.
 
No. 3. Quote: 
Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
in eucalyptus trees.
 
No. 4. Quote: 
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
 
No. 5. Quote: 
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
 
No. 6. Quote: 
Q:	How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
	does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:	"I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
	advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
	can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
	credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
 
No. 7. Quote: 
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear.  Except a
creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely
a loose misapplication of the word.  Consider the flea!--incomparably the
bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.
Whether you are asleep or awake he will attack you, caring nothing for the fact
that in bulk and strength you are to him as are the massed armies of the earth
to a sucking child; he lives both day and night and all days and nights in the
very lap of peril and the immediate presence of death, and yet is no more
afraid than is the man who walks the streets of a city that was threatened by
an earthquake ten centuries before.  When we speak of Clive, Nelson, and Putnam
as men who "didn't know what fear was," we ought always to add the flea--and
put him at the head of the procession.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
 
No. 8. Quote: 
You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
they're not all recommended.
 
No. 9. Quote: 
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
 
No. 10. Quote: 
Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.
 
No. 11. Quote: 
Q:	How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:	Two.  One to assure everyone that everything possible is being
	done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
 
No. 12. Quote: 
Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
 
No. 13. Quote: 
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
 
No. 14. Quote: 
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
		-- Shakespeare
 
No. 15. Quote: 
Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
 
No. 16. Quote: 
If you can read this, you're too close.
 
No. 17. Quote: 
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.

Buy the negatives at any price.
 
No. 18. Quote: 
Q:	Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A:	To impress Jodie Foster.
 
No. 19. Quote: 
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
 
No. 20. Quote: 
	You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the
Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the
parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
		-- Sherlock Holmes
 
No. 21. Quote: 
I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The
books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone
today!
		-- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004"
		   on the topic of school textbooks
 
No. 22. Quote: 
Q:	What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A:	A nervous wreck.
 
No. 23. Quote: 
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
 
No. 24. Quote: 
Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.