No. 0. Quote: Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion. -- Corwin, Prince of Amber No. 1. Quote: Q: "What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic existentialist?" A: "Is there a dog?" No. 2. Quote: Accent on helpful side of your nature. Drain the moat. No. 3. Quote: You work very hard. Don't try to think as well. No. 4. Quote: You are as I am with You. No. 5. Quote: You will win success in whatever calling you adopt. No. 6. Quote: Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you. No. 7. Quote: We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk white BMW and her Jordache smile. There had been a fight. I had punched her boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyone told him, "You ride the bull, senor. You do not fight it." But he was lean and tough like a bad rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we finished there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. [...] "Stop the car," the girl said. There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes. She knew about the woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised an arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget. "I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway belle's for thee." The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie. Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey onto my granola and faced a new day. -- Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway Competition No. 8. Quote: O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive. -- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion" No. 9. Quote: FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #13 A: Doc, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, & Grumpy Q: Who were the Democratic presidential candidates? No. 10. Quote: Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow. No. 11. Quote: The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. -- Mark Twain No. 12. Quote: Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A: One per person. No. 13. Quote: You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE." No. 14. Quote: You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships. No. 15. Quote: Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One and a half. No. 16. Quote: I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on, so I woke up from sheer boredom. No. 17. Quote: If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. -- Mark Twain No. 18. Quote: Save energy: be apathetic. No. 19. Quote: You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy. No. 20. Quote: Q: What do you call a blind pre-historic animal? A: Diyathinkhesaurus. Q: What do you call a blind pre-historic animal with a dog? A: Diyathinkhesaurus Rex. No. 21. Quote: Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose. No. 22. Quote: When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" No. 23. Quote: While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack. No. 24. Quote: Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.