No. 0. Quote: 
Q:	What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
A:	The impossible dream.
 
No. 1. Quote: 
They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy".  Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 2. Quote: 
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
		-- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream"
 
No. 3. Quote: 
Tempt not a desperate man.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"
 
No. 4. Quote: 
Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves
possess.
		-- Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings"]
 
No. 5. Quote: 
Avoid reality at all costs.
 
No. 6. Quote: 
For a light heart lives long.
		-- Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
 
No. 7. Quote: 
Q:	How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
A:	2 bits.
 
No. 8. Quote: 
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
 
No. 9. Quote: 
A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The
Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.
		-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.
 
No. 10. Quote: 
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
 
No. 11. Quote: 
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
		-- Shakespeare
 
No. 12. Quote: 
Stop!  There was first a game of blindman's buff.  Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes
in his boots.  My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it.  The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.
 
No. 13. Quote: 
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
 
No. 14. Quote: 
You will forget that you ever knew me.
 
No. 15. Quote: 
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
 
No. 16. Quote: 
"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 17. Quote: 
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
 
No. 18. Quote: 
You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.
 
No. 19. Quote: 
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #21
A:	Dr. Livingston I. Presume.
Q:	What's Dr. Presume's full name?
 
No. 20. Quote: 
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
 
No. 21. Quote: 
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.
Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 22. Quote: 
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all
fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
out at the heels of their boots.
		-- Samuel Foote
 
No. 23. Quote: 
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
 
No. 24. Quote: 
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
		-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.