No. 0. Quote: 
I dote on his very absence.
		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
 
No. 1. Quote: 
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31
A:	Chicken Teriyaki.
Q:	What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?
 
No. 2. Quote: 
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
 
No. 3. Quote: 
It's all in the mind, ya know.
 
No. 4. Quote: 
Q:	Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
A:	It wasn't IBM compatible.
 
No. 5. Quote: 
You'll be sorry...
 
No. 6. Quote: 
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
 
No. 7. Quote: 
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
		-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
 
No. 8. Quote: 
Q:	How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:	One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
	to the earlier joke.
 
No. 9. Quote: 
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
 
No. 10. Quote: 
Q:	What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A:	A stick.
 
No. 11. Quote: 
You will be run over by a bus.
 
No. 12. Quote: 
His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god.  He preferred
to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam.  He never
claimed to be a god.  But then, he never claimed not to be a god.  Circum-
stances being what they were, neither admission could be of any benefit.
Silence, though, could.  It was in the days of the rains that their prayers
went up, not from the fingering of knotted prayer cords or the spinning of
prayer wheels, but from the great pray-machine in the monastery of Ratri,
goddess of the Night.  The high-frequency prayers were directed upward through
the atmosphere and out beyond it, passing into that golden cloud called the
Bridge of the Gods, which circles the entire world, is seen as a bronze
rainbow at night and is the place where the red sun becomes orange at midday.
Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique...
		-- Roger Zelazny, "Lord of Light"
 
No. 13. Quote: 
So this is it.  We're going to die.
 
No. 14. Quote: 
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
		-- "Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
 
No. 15. Quote: 
Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
 
No. 16. Quote: 
The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first
female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my
career.
		-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
 
No. 17. Quote: 
There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.
		-- Joan Didion, "Slouching Towards Bethlehem"
 
No. 18. Quote: 
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
 
No. 19. Quote: 
You will be run over by a beer truck.
 
No. 20. Quote: 
There is a fly on your nose.
 
No. 21. Quote: 
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
is concerned.
 
No. 22. Quote: 
Q:	How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A:	Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
 
No. 23. Quote: 
The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted
sullenly and, buffing her already impeccable nails -- not for the first
time since the journey begain -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve
into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent
with Basil.
		-- Winning sentence, 1983 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
 
No. 24. Quote: 
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.