No. 0. Quote: 
Q:	How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	None.  We'll fix it in software.

Q:	How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	None.  The application can work around it.

Q:	How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	None.  We'll document it in the manual.

Q:	How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:	None.  The user can figure it out.
 
No. 1. Quote: 
Q:	What is green and lives in the ocean?
A:	Moby Pickle.
 
No. 2. Quote: 
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 3. Quote: 
Q:	Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A:	You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit
	gets all the credit.
 
No. 4. Quote: 
Q:	What's the difference between a duck and an elephant?
A:	You can't get down off an elephant.
 
No. 5. Quote: 
You have an unusual magnetic personality.  Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.
 
No. 6. Quote: 
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
 
No. 7. Quote: 
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
 
No. 8. Quote: 
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
 
No. 9. Quote: 
The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with
commoner things.  It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God
over all the fruits of the earth.  When one has tasted it, he knows what the
angels eat.  It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because
she repented.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
 
No. 10. Quote: 
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
 
No. 11. Quote: 
Someone is speaking well of you.
 
No. 12. Quote: 
The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 13. Quote: 
You will be successful in love.
 
No. 14. Quote: 
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.

Buy the negatives at any price.
 
No. 15. Quote: 
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
 
No. 16. Quote: 
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not
advice, it is merely custom.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 17. Quote: 
What happened last night can happen again.
 
No. 18. Quote: 
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
 
No. 19. Quote: 
Q:	How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:	Two.  One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
	itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
	reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
	maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
 
No. 20. Quote: 
Chess tonight.
 
No. 21. Quote: 
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
 
No. 22. Quote: 
Give him an evasive answer.
 
No. 23. Quote: 
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
 
No. 24. Quote: 
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.