No. 0. Quote: 
People are beginning to notice you.  Try dressing before you leave the house.
 
No. 1. Quote: 
Q:	What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
A:	A dinner party.
 
No. 2. Quote: 
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
 
No. 3. Quote: 
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
 
No. 4. Quote: 
There was a phone call for you.
 
No. 5. Quote: 
You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.
 
No. 6. Quote: 
You now have Asian Flu.
 
No. 7. Quote: 
Condense soup, not books!
 
No. 8. Quote: 
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 9. Quote: 
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.
 
No. 10. Quote: 
Courage is your greatest present need.
 
No. 11. Quote: 
Q:	What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in Minnesota?
A:	Open other end.
 
No. 12. Quote: 
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
		-- Mark Twain
 
No. 13. Quote: 
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
 
No. 14. Quote: 
Q:	How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:	Five.  One to screw in the light bulb and four to share the
		experience.  (Actually, Californians don't screw in
		light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.)

Q:	How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:	Three.  One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all
		those Californians trying to share the experience.
 
No. 15. Quote: 
Q:	What is the difference between Texas and yogurt?
A:	Yogurt has culture.
 
No. 16. Quote: 
Q:	What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
A:	The impossible dream.
 
No. 17. Quote: 
You will have long and healthy life.
 
No. 18. Quote: 
Q:	What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?
A:	You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
 
No. 19. Quote: 
Q:	How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A:	Four.  Two in the front, two in the back.

Q:	How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A:	There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q:	How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A:	There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q:	How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A:	The door won't shut.

Q:	How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A:	There's a VW Bug in your driveway.
 
No. 20. Quote: 
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue.  They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks.  Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed.  The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
		-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
 
No. 21. Quote: 
So this is it.  We're going to die.
 
No. 22. Quote: 
Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
 
No. 23. Quote: 
You fill a much-needed gap.
 
No. 24. Quote: 
There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty.
"When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."
		-- Mark Twain