Fortune Quotes - 31-01-2016_120001

No. 0. Quote:
You now have Asian Flu.

No. 1. Quote:
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.

No. 2. Quote:
Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

Oh, and have a nice day!
-- Bryce Nesbitt '84

No. 3. Quote:
Q: Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A: To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.

No. 4. Quote:
Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes
in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.

No. 5. Quote:
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more
deadly in the long run.
-- Mark Twain

No. 6. Quote:
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.

No. 7. Quote:
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting
to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author
-- Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"

No. 8. Quote:
Give him an evasive answer.

No. 9. Quote:
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).

No. 10. Quote:
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old
Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred
thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the
Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is
something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of
conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain

No. 11. Quote:
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.

No. 12. Quote:
You will be surrounded by luxury.

No. 13. Quote:
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.

No. 14. Quote:
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.

No. 15. Quote:
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

No. 16. Quote:
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.

No. 17. Quote:
Avoid reality at all costs.

No. 18. Quote:
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"

No. 19. Quote:
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.

No. 20. Quote:
What I tell you three times is true.
-- Lewis Carroll

No. 21. Quote:
Questionable day.

Ask somebody something.

No. 22. Quote:
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.

No. 23. Quote:
Q: What's the difference between USL and the Titanic?
A: The Titanic had a band.

No. 24. Quote:
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.