名人名言 - 22-02-2016_120002

No. 0. Quote:
Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A: There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: The door won't shut.

Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.

No. 1. Quote:
Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.

No. 2. Quote:
Q: How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
A: 2 bits.

No. 3. Quote:
Are you sure the back door is locked?

No. 4. Quote:
You are going to have a new love affair.

No. 5. Quote:
You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night
to write.
-- Saul Bellow

No. 6. Quote:
Excellent time to become a missing person.

No. 7. Quote:
Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

No. 8. Quote:
Your lover will never wish to leave you.

No. 9. Quote:
Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.

No. 10. Quote:
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.

No. 11. Quote:
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment
of license fee (binary only).

No. 12. Quote:
You are fairminded, just and loving.

No. 13. Quote:
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.

No. 14. Quote:
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles
as if she laid an asteroid.
-- Mark Twain

No. 15. Quote:
You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead.

No. 16. Quote:
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.

No. 17. Quote:
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.

No. 18. Quote:
A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.

No. 19. Quote:
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more
deadly in the long run.
-- Mark Twain

No. 20. Quote:
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.

No. 21. Quote:
You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool
takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of
the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out
the useful ones.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"

No. 22. Quote:
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

No. 23. Quote:
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain

No. 24. Quote:
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".