名人名言 - 28-02-2016_120001

No. 0. Quote:
Save energy: be apathetic.

No. 1. Quote:
Slow day. Practice crawling.

No. 2. Quote:
Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We'll fix it in software.

Q: How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The application can work around it.

Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We'll document it in the manual.

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The user can figure it out.

No. 3. Quote:
Your lucky number has been disconnected.

No. 4. Quote:
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.

No. 5. Quote:
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.

No. 6. Quote:
Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

No. 7. Quote:
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

No. 8. Quote:
Q: What is green and lives in the ocean?
A: Moby Pickle.

No. 9. Quote:
Make a wish, it might come true.

No. 10. Quote:
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!

Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!

Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax

No. 11. Quote:
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"

No. 12. Quote:
You will get what you deserve.

No. 13. Quote:
Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.

No. 14. Quote:
His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred
to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never
claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum-
stances being what they were, neither admission could be of any benefit.
Silence, though, could. It was in the days of the rains that their prayers
went up, not from the fingering of knotted prayer cords or the spinning of
prayer wheels, but from the great pray-machine in the monastery of Ratri,
goddess of the Night. The high-frequency prayers were directed upward through
the atmosphere and out beyond it, passing into that golden cloud called the
Bridge of the Gods, which circles the entire world, is seen as a bronze
rainbow at night and is the place where the red sun becomes orange at midday.
Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique...
-- Roger Zelazny, "Lord of Light"

No. 15. Quote:
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.

No. 16. Quote:
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain

No. 17. Quote:
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.

No. 18. Quote:
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.

Buy the negatives at any price.

No. 19. Quote:
There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.

No. 20. Quote:
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?

No. 21. Quote:
Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
-- Mark Twain

No. 22. Quote:
For a light heart lives long.
-- Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"

No. 23. Quote:
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.

No. 24. Quote:
Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.