Fortune Quotes - 01-07-2016_120002

No. 0. Quote:
People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.

No. 1. Quote:
Q: What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
A: A dinner party.

No. 2. Quote:
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.

No. 3. Quote:
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.

No. 4. Quote:
There was a phone call for you.

No. 5. Quote:
You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.

No. 6. Quote:
You now have Asian Flu.

No. 7. Quote:
Condense soup, not books!

No. 8. Quote:
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain

No. 9. Quote:
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.

No. 10. Quote:
Courage is your greatest present need.

No. 11. Quote:
Q: What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in Minnesota?
A: Open other end.

No. 12. Quote:
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

No. 13. Quote:
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.

No. 14. Quote:
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to share the
experience. (Actually, Californians don't screw in
light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.)

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all
those Californians trying to share the experience.

No. 15. Quote:
Q: What is the difference between Texas and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has culture.

No. 16. Quote:
Q: What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
A: The impossible dream.

No. 17. Quote:
You will have long and healthy life.

No. 18. Quote:
Q: What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?
A: You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.

No. 19. Quote:
Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A: There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: The door won't shut.

Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.

No. 20. Quote:
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"

No. 21. Quote:
So this is it. We're going to die.

No. 22. Quote:
Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

No. 23. Quote:
You fill a much-needed gap.

No. 24. Quote:
There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty.
"When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."
-- Mark Twain