Fortune Quotes - 12-03-2016_120001

No. 0. Quote:
Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails,
whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through
the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!
-- Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick"

No. 1. Quote:
Q: What do you call a blind, deaf-mute, quadraplegic Virginian?
A: Trustworthy.

No. 2. Quote:
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.

No. 3. Quote:
You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.

No. 4. Quote:
Cold hands, no gloves.

No. 5. Quote:
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
-- Blaise Pascal

No. 6. Quote:
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.

No. 7. Quote:
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).

No. 8. Quote:
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would
be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

No. 9. Quote:
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.

No. 10. Quote:
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.

No. 11. Quote:
You will gain money by an immoral action.

No. 12. Quote:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening...

No. 13. Quote:
My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"

No. 14. Quote:
Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.

No. 15. Quote:
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

No. 16. Quote:
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

No. 17. Quote:
You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human.

No. 18. Quote:
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.

No. 19. Quote:
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain

No. 20. Quote:
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-- Mark Twain

No. 21. Quote:
Q: Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and
New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A: God gave New Jersey first choice.

No. 22. Quote:
You'll be sorry...

No. 23. Quote:
Q: What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.

No. 24. Quote:
Q: Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
A: Easy. It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
bottles into the typewriter.