名人名言 - 09-01-2016_120002

No. 0. Quote:
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.

No. 1. Quote:
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.

No. 2. Quote:
Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: The cats keep trying to bury them.

No. 3. Quote:
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

No. 4. Quote:
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old
Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred
thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the
Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is
something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of
conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain

No. 5. Quote:
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.

No. 6. Quote:
Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things
than someone who hasn't.
-- Mark Twain

No. 7. Quote:
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but
the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they
have obtained from books of travel.
-- Mark Twain

No. 8. Quote:
Don't get to bragging.

No. 9. Quote:
Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.

No. 10. Quote:
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must
have somebody to divide it with.
-- Mark Twain

No. 11. Quote:
You are fairminded, just and loving.

No. 12. Quote:
You are magnetic in your bearing.

No. 13. Quote:
Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything.
Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain

No. 14. Quote:
Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
A: Zorn's Lemon.

No. 15. Quote:
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not
original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson

No. 16. Quote:
You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.

No. 17. Quote:
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.

No. 18. Quote:
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.

No. 19. Quote:
You will engage in a profitable business activity.

No. 20. Quote:
You will inherit millions of dollars.

No. 21. Quote:
It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
-- Churchy La Femme

No. 22. Quote:
You may my glories and my state dispose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"

No. 23. Quote:
Blow it out your ear.

No. 24. Quote:
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!

Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!

Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax