名人名言 - 13-01-2016_120001

No. 0. Quote:
Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.

No. 1. Quote:
They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
-- Mark Twain

No. 2. Quote:
Small things make base men proud.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"

No. 3. Quote:
I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting. I shall fall,
Like a bright exhalation in the evening
And no man see me more.
-- Shakespeare

No. 4. Quote:
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.

No. 5. Quote:
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt
of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He
brought death into the world.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

No. 6. Quote:
You will gain money by an illegal action.

No. 7. Quote:
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain

No. 8. Quote:
Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves
possess.
-- Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings"]

No. 9. Quote:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He was giving it last rites.

No. 10. Quote:
There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.

No. 11. Quote:
Q: How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."

No. 12. Quote:
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.

No. 13. Quote:
The Least Perceptive Literary Critic
The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A
most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to
give a public reading of his latest poem.
Pope, the leading poet of his day, was greatly surprised when Lord
Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.
Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."
Pope was rendered speechless, as this fine critic suggested sizeable
and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece. "Be so good as to mark
the place and consider at your leisure. I'm sure you can give it a better
turn."
After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.
Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side. "There is no need to touch the
lines," he said. "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on
Lord Halifax two or three months hence, thank him for his kind observation
on those passages, and then read them to him as altered. I have known him
much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."
Pope took his advice, called on Lord Halifax and read the poem
exactly as it was before. His unique critical faculties had lost none of
their edge. "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right. Nothing can
be better."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

No. 14. Quote:
Communicate! It can't make things any worse.

No. 15. Quote:
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.

No. 16. Quote:
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One leg is both the same.

No. 17. Quote:
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.

No. 18. Quote:
You will be divorced within a year.

No. 19. Quote:
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.

No. 20. Quote:
Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner

The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up

It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up

Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.

No. 21. Quote:
Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A: Because he was hungry.

No. 22. Quote:
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.

No. 23. Quote:
Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,
it can still be changed today.

No. 24. Quote:
Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.