名人名言 - 29-01-2016_120001

No. 0. Quote:
For courage mounteth with occasion.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"

No. 1. Quote:
April 1

This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

No. 2. Quote:
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).

No. 3. Quote:
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
-- Samuel Beckett

No. 4. Quote:
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.

[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]

No. 5. Quote:
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
salesman.

No. 6. Quote:
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.

No. 7. Quote:
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #5
A: The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.
Q: Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.

No. 8. Quote:
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.

No. 9. Quote:
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1

Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1

[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]

No. 10. Quote:
The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted
sullenly and, buffing her already impeccable nails -- not for the first
time since the journey begain -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve
into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent
with Basil.
-- Winning sentence, 1983 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

No. 11. Quote:
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old
Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred
thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the
Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is
something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of
conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain

No. 12. Quote:
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain

No. 13. Quote:
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.

No. 14. Quote:
Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A: Because he was hungry.

No. 15. Quote:
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
-- Dylan Thomas

No. 16. Quote:
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"

No. 17. Quote:
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

No. 18. Quote:
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.

No. 19. Quote:
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
-- Mark Twain

No. 20. Quote:
Your business will assume vast proportions.

No. 21. Quote:
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.

No. 22. Quote:
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-- Mark Twain

No. 23. Quote:
You will have a long and boring life.

No. 24. Quote:
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.