Fortune Quotes - 07-03-2016_120001

No. 0. Quote:
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all those
Californians trying to share the experience.

No. 1. Quote:
Q: "What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic
existentialist?"
A: "Is there a dog?"

No. 2. Quote:
The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
-- Mark Twain

No. 3. Quote:
Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.

No. 4. Quote:
Q: Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
A: Easy. It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
bottles into the typewriter.

No. 5. Quote:
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.

No. 6. Quote:
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.

No. 7. Quote:
You are magnetic in your bearing.

No. 8. Quote:
Q: Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
A: It wasn't IBM compatible.

No. 9. Quote:
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.

No. 10. Quote:
Chicken Little was right.

No. 11. Quote:
Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining
ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror
to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the
mid-fork of the Feather River before the completion of the Oroville Dam
in 1959.
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.

No. 12. Quote:
You may be recognized soon. Hide.

No. 13. Quote:
You are fairminded, just and loving.

No. 14. Quote:
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.

No. 15. Quote:
Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.

No. 16. Quote:
Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.

No. 17. Quote:
Don't feed the bats tonight.

No. 18. Quote:
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"

No. 19. Quote:
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

No. 20. Quote:
You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human.

No. 21. Quote:
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.

Buy the negatives at any price.

No. 22. Quote:
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is
not worth sending.

No. 23. Quote:
No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.
-- Mark Twain

No. 24. Quote:
Good day to let down old friends who need help.