Fortune Quotes - 17-03-2016_120001

No. 0. Quote:
For courage mounteth with occasion.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"

No. 1. Quote:
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all of the work and the fat guy in the suit
gets all the credit.

No. 2. Quote:
In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and
struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny
and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the
crunch he was all courage. Those novels would make you retch.
-- Canadian novelist Robertson Davies, on the generic Canadian
novel.

No. 3. Quote:
In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and
struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny
and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the
crunch he was all courage. Those novels would make you retch.
-- Canadian novelist Robertson Davies, on the generic Canadian
novel.

No. 4. Quote:
You will step on the night soil of many countries.

No. 5. Quote:
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.

No. 6. Quote:
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.

No. 7. Quote:
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment
of license fee (binary only).

No. 8. Quote:
A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."

No. 9. Quote:
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.

No. 10. Quote:
Save energy: be apathetic.

No. 11. Quote:
O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive.
-- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion"

No. 12. Quote:
Are you sure the back door is locked?

No. 13. Quote:
Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".

No. 14. Quote:
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.

No. 15. Quote:
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"

No. 16. Quote:
Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever
skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious
to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an
overdose of flouride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic
apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless
as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a
steroid-free fitness center.
-- Winning sentence, 1990 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

No. 17. Quote:
Q: What is purple and commutes?
A: An Abelian grape.

No. 18. Quote:
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.

No. 19. Quote:
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.

No. 20. Quote:
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles
as if she laid an asteroid.
-- Mark Twain

No. 21. Quote:
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not
original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson

No. 22. Quote:
The better part of valor is discretion.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"

No. 23. Quote:
Q: What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.

No. 24. Quote:
Q: What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.